Modern Girl. Modern World.

I'm a 27 year old Minneapolis woman who is dating in 2009. Here is my candid experience. It is sure to be an ongoing, prolonged story. Hopefully not prolonged into my 40's, however.
I will, somewhat shamefully, admit that all of these men have been found via online dating. My best friend, Anne, recommended it based off of some success stories from other friends. So, I thought, why not. Here are my experiences. Honestly.


Dude #1:
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Very nice gentleman. First date, I picked him up at the corner of the main street by his house because I cannot, honestly, for the life of me, figure out how to get to his place. I have MapQuest on my phone and I still got lost. It's dumb. I mean, I am. Anyway. I pick him up. Immediate, snap judgement, he's not bad looking. We go to Chatterbox for dinner. Conversation is good, we're having a good time, he's making me laugh, I'm making him laugh. It's good. I can't remember what he ordered, but I ordered some kind of chicken dijon foccacia sandwich. As I'm placing the necessary condemints on my plate to maximize my eating experience, he asks me "Can you handle gross stuff?". I'm thinking, I have worked at group homes for the last near-2 years, so I say "Yeah. What?". I pick up half of my dijon chicken sandwich as he says "I get massive boils." I take a big bite out of my sandwich as he launches full on into a detail description of his boils and the conditions and history of these things that grow on his body. It's not that he gets them all the time, just in humid/tropical climates. So, like Florida or Hawaii. By the end of his story, and the end of my half of sandwich, I'm not hungry and I'm not interested.
I tried it out. I tried to see if there were interests we could share. A common ground that we could bond over. I tried to be intimate with him. Well, that wasn't so hard, he was a good lover. But all in all. . . . I just thought. . no. I can't. I can't get over the whole boil thing. I want to go visit some tropical places! I don't want to have to lance some boils and drain some pus while I'm in paradise. Sorry babe.


Dude #2:
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This guy is funny. I felt funny talking to him. Our witty banter was easy to engage in. And he was into really cool stuff! I didn't feel half as cool as I thought he was. I mean, some smoker dude that goes to film school, works at a co-op, progressive political activist, listens to good music, and makes his own cool music? Total score! Witty mother fucker too. The first time we had sex, I wanted to girl-out and cuddle with him and he pulled away like he was going to get up and, what I figured was that he was going to go out for a cigarette (so cliche for me to think of that one, but he smokes a bit, so whatever, fuck you) but in actualality, when I made a disagreeing whimper to his departure, he said "I have to go poopie." I don't know why, I mean, really, but I thought it was pretty adorable. I know, right? Not right. Defecation. But the fact that he said "poopie". It kind of hit me in the soft spot. Well, he called me after our 6th date and called the whole thing off.


Dude #3
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This one kind of got me. I was pretty sad after the myspace break up letter that I got from this guy. No, this happened this year. Not in '96, when I was 12. I, the 27 year old girl, received a Myspace break-up letter from a 26 (?I think 26?) year old man.. He's a pretty cool guy. I mean, take Dude#2 and turn him into a non-smoker, awesome writer, musician. And make him a punk-rock real estate agent on top of that. With a big beautiful house that he lives in. Fuck yeah. That was this guy. I was totally into him. Very funny, very witty. Good kisser, never got to the sex part, because, as I mentioned, the Myspace letter, that happened around date 5 time. Yup. I guess an online break-up is kind of like "as it were in the begining, so shall it be in the ending" or whatever. . not so ashes to ashes and dust to dust though.


Dude #4
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Wow, this date was something else. First date. I took this guy to Little T's for dinner, then we decide to go to the Triple Rock for some beers. Here is a snipet of our conversation:
Him: So, tell me something about you that hardly anyone knows.
Me: I buried a cat alive once.
Him: ****Look of horror on face****
Me: ***launch into story of my 14 yr old self that had to compassion kill a suffering, death-flopping cat that got ran over but I was too scared to carry out any other method of death***
Me: So, tell me something about you that hardly anyone knows.
Him: I shit my pants 2 weeks ago right before a job interview I had.
Me: **eruption of laughter quickly muffled with attempts to be sincere while inquiring more**
Things ended up not working out.
Not because I'm a cat killer. And not because he's a pants shitter.
Probably because when I thought someone tells you "I Love You" on the first date, they usually like you for more than a friend. Silly me.


Dude #5
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This only lasted one date. He seemed like a fun guy when I was emailing him. Witty, clever, superlative meaning funny. His pictures looked carefree and silly. A man that thinks dressing up for concerts is fun?? Awesome! I met my soul mate! Not really, but you know, close. Anyway, so I decided to go out for some mexican food with him. We ended up talking about him the whole time. Damn english professors. Always yacking about themselves. I'm a leo, I need some spotlight, dammit. ;) He had an interesting necklace. It was made of bones. Human bones. Yes, for real.


And that is where I am at right now.
I am now taking applications for dudes.