Magnolia

I wonder what in my life defines me.
Or rather, what it is throughout my life that defines the stages therein.
I know there are significant things that impact who I am.
My parents and brother are the biggest influences I have.
I know the love they have shown me and the support they always give me
is a determining factor in the way that I react to my surroundings.
I know that my closest friends also help form the person that I am.
Dennis, Anne, and now Ashely show me a lot of things about myself and the world.

I wonder with the things that surround me,
what it is that sticks out to me,
what it is about me that makes those particular events to be more 'life changing' than others.
Why do I pick up on *this* instead of *that*?
I think there are things within my personality that make me favor some influences.
I don't have an example, so this will be a horrible paragraph of nothing,
but I feel like the way that I am causes me to see things
in things that some others wouldn't.
I am optimistic,
I tend to pick up on the best part of a situation and expand upon it.
That is a good example I guess.
I am predisposed to always see the goodness in something.
I get bitter and resentful
and sometimes it causes me to dwell on some of the negativity,
but for the most part,
I can't help but see the beauty, love and miracles in the small things that surround me.

So, I wonder, how does that effect the things that shape me?
Will I tend to strive to see the happiness in all the things that impact my life?
What happens when something bad happens?
Hee hee :)
I know the answer to that,
I will delude myself to see the goodness in the bad as well.
My optimism is like a fantasy defense mechanism.

And how will I shape the lives of those I come in contact with?
I always hope that I leave a positive impact.
I will never really know, I suppose.
But, I have the rosey, sunny outlook that leads me to hope that
I can improve someone's day by a tiny, little fraction
by smiling at a stranger on the street.
Or holding the door open for someone.
Or being the first person to say hello while passing someone in a store.
I try to be helpful when possible.
I don't know what kind of day people are having when I interact with them,
so I try not to press upon them the bullshit of my day/life,
and I try to cater to what is going on with them at the moment.
Maybe by smiling at a person in the grocery store,
I will somehow make them believe that young hooligans
that have piercings in their face and dark make-up around their eyes
are nice, friendly people that aren't half bad.
Maybe by holding the door for someone will give them that small break they needed.
I don't know.
I'm just trying to make a small dent.
I know I can't change the world.
I know I can't change anything buy myself.
But I hope that I can atleast be a positive influence to those that I am around.